Their dream…not mine

When I first held my tiny newborn, so much stirred within. The biggest feeling that would tend to overwhelm, would be my hope in his future.
As I held him close and prayed over each step that he would one day take, my dream formed in my head.

When his talents began to emerge, again, I would dream about how he would influence the kingdom. I had it all pictured and mapped out, he would go into the mission field and minister to the weary. He would go to college, lead worship before a church and find a good girl by time he was 20, who loved Jesus. Grand babies would be on the way before I knew it.

Then as the years passed by, his adult world began to settle into his own rhythm. I learned how much he had struggled with depression and anxiety and that it would greatly influence his music. The songs that he would write, were not the kind to be brought to a worship service and seemed so dark and heavy. I can’t count how many times that I mentioned, lighten them up for better listening, or,  give hope within them to reach the lost. On and on the motherly advice would go and he would sincerely listen, nod his head and continue to write.

We had many days of playing and singing together. We would write song after song, and I would watch his talent grow.

The days no longer look the same, he has stepped into his own creativity and rarely do I hear, “hey mom, help me with this!”

I know that distancing himself is healthy, but when I saw him distance himself from the church I grieved. He continually told me he didn’t feel he fit the mold to be on a team. He has of lately not even going with us anymore to our church and I see lifestyle choices far different from mine.

For a moment, I began to fear and my heart would hurt over what was to be his future and then like a ton of bricks, I realized that I had raised him. He is a child of God and the Lord has a call on his life. It may look very differently that what I had dreamed and lived out for him. He has his own journey to take. I can look at him with great pride and say, he is mine and I am grateful.

What kind of parent would I be, if I didn’t let my son, discover his own future and world.

Then there is the clarity that comes;  I don’t always completely understand, but with a glimpse the Lord will allow me to see tidbits of the work He is doing.

Do you know, those dark and crazy songs have reached the heart of many!

Do you know that his dream doesn’t ‘fit’ because his dream and call is unique!

Thank the Lord I am slowly learning, their dream, not mine.

God have your way and forgive me as I now intrust my son to you for real, and step back and watch your mighty work.

The joy of parenting is watching them spread their wings and prepare to take flight. I never realized how hard it was going to be when those wings began lifting off.

Thank you Lord for new clarity.

 

1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.

 

 

Advertisements

The bird flies

I have entered a new season in my life. A season of watching the bird leave the nest and fly on his own. My oldest son had finished high school a year early. At the time of high school completion,  I came across some information that I had stuck in my heart for such a time as this.

While my heart broke at the thought of being separated so unexpectedly, I obeyed the prompting in my spirit and brought the opportunity of an internship to my son.

He applied to an internship a thousand miles away. Not yet eighteen and my son was accepted and the wheels began spinning. Here I thought I had one more year with him. Molding, shaping, encouraging and found that I had just a few weeks to prepare him for this journey. This amazing, life altering journey.

In order for this to happen for my son there were some must haves:

I needed a travel partner to drive my son to internship. My mom happened to have the time off, lined up perfectly.

We were in need of his deposit and no income put away for this event in his life. As I had pointed out in our earlier posts there were many trials that set us back financially.

The deposit needed was 3,000 dollars and it was due immediately!!! That amount was huge for us to comprehend at the moment, yet through prayer and request, my son raised his full 3,000 deposit within a few weeks. We still have his monthly commitment to cover the remainder but we know God is faithful.  The finances lined up perfectly.

We needed gas, food, and a place to stay. All of that had been provided, lined up perfectly.

What we discovered in this whole season. As hard as it is to transfer my child from my home and lay him completely at the service of the Lord, I have seen first hand when God calls you into something He makes your path clear. He lined up every detail. Nothing was unnoticed.

The application process was already decided, God knew he was going.

The money for my sons internship was already provided, God knew he was going.

The travel expenses were covered in amazing ways, God knew he was going.

The housing, meals, relationships, support and all his needs for the year, set up there in miraculous ways was already in motion, God knew he was going.

The mama heart was tugging. My son is one of my best friends. Oh, he would be corrected and the firm foundation set, but he is my confidant, joy maker, laughter. I was having to say goodbye for now, in order to allow him to fulfill his call and dream for his life.

I felt like Abraham sacrificing my son to the Lord. Willing to take him but a small measure of me not sure if I was ready for the separation. And in the meeting at the church our son would be interning at, the teaching was about vision, sacrifice, and letting God take what you offer and become your friend.

One thing that is certain. I have found the Lord meets me in each need. The need for friendship, camaraderie, laughter, comfort… God supplies it all. He is faithful, with reaching in and filling the areas that we are unable to fill by ourself.

To have my full joy in this season. I must hold fast to the promise that God has a plan for my son. Fear can not lead me, guide me or be a part of my life. I must allow God to be my all and allow Him to be my sons ‘all’ as well.

God is more than enough. He takes our humble offerings and brings about greatness even we do not expect.

I let my son go, into very capable hands, the hands of my God and that is the best thing this mother has ever done.