He calls the weak to the mighty

I was so blessed today when I got the text that my friends are able to move forward with their end of our surrogate journey. I know God called me, too much has lined up so perfectly for it not to be so. Yet my emotions rose on high with joy and excitement and then the enemy was right there to slam me with the low. Fears coming in and doubts of my own ability to see my end soundly through. What if my body lets them down? On and on the thoughts tried to rise up.

Honestly, with each doubt, the Lord was right there. The enemy said, “what if you have a hormone issue.” God said, ” Well, estrogen will fix this issue.”
The enemy said, “you are ill.” God said, ” I am your healer. I have used much less to do even greater.” On and on the Lord’s encouragement continued, followed by a boldness I have never known.

Even though the enemy throws daggers; over the years and through the depression I have learned that just because the enemy says it, does not mean that it becomes my truth. It does not matter if the perspective looks impossible, I serve a God of the possible. He is my strength and my shield.

God has a child/children that are to be born!  This journey is an amazing example of what truly laying our own lives down for His purpose looks like. The beauty that will unfold will leave me in awe and wonder.

Yes, Lord, I will. Not because I am anything special, in reality I am know that I am not, but because of who I know YOU to be and who I am because you are within me. I am a mighty warrior, that will be holding arrows within me that will move forth in your time to do great and mighty things. I will look back one day and say, “God, you made me able, not my own strength and I will never be the same.

This is a long road ahead. We will be fundraising and preparing both of our bodies. There are lawyers and tests and more tests. But I say yes Lord, continue to do miracles. We have seen SO many already !!!

When I am hormonal and need extra joy, I have a whole history of my joy journey already documented here…. I can read and read and read and see what the Lord ALREADY has done. I see that He is good and I want more. Thank you Lord for calling me, the weak, and making me strong!

YES I will! Lord use me

My parents had dealt with fertility issues after I was born. I saw them hurt and ache for more children. My father was my daddy from day one, but he had no biological children of his own and he hungered for that! He never ever made me feel less, just that he wanted more. I saw them look into private adoption ( it was more affordable) Only to have the leads fall through. I saw mom cry after every fertility appointment.  They loved on other people’s children over the years but I was their only one.  I wonder how things could have been different if they had been able to do a surrogate.

Not long after my own pregnancy journeys came to an end, I began thinking about the gift of being a surrogate. I wanted to be a vessel but had no direction or inkling on when or how. I knew that with my faith I had my own restrictions on what was acceptable for me personally in the process. I had no push to be a surrogate for income but for ministry.

Recently I started longing to be pregnant again. Not to have children of my own, but to carry a child. I was awoken one night and the Lord prompted me, ask ________ if they have considered a surrogate. It was one o’clock in the morning, I had looked at my phone. So the next day I texted my friend if she had considered this route when all the doors were being closed for her otherwise to have a child.

My friend, battling with the thought that she could not carry her own child or adopt had at that very moment God woke me up, been watching a surrogate story and said “God if this is your route send someone” and I said, ” Here I am!” And so with some fasting, prayer, direction from leadership and agreement with our spouses, we are beginning the most amazing journey of my… life together.

We still may run into some roadblocks. The doctors still have a few tests that may tell us no. But we are ready, willing and prayerfully able. I am so excited. She tends to hold her excitement in check for fear of disappointment.

I do have fears, many, but they are always silenced for the moment with, Lord if it is your will, it will happen. God can use our science to make amazing things happen and He can protect my body in the process.

I am so excited at this prospect! I just instantly tear up thinking about the joy of parenthood and the opportunity to be a part of the gift.

God is so good and I say, Yes Lord, use me!

Through a child’s eyes

When it was time to say goodbye to the foster babies, I knew that I wanted to continue working with children in some capacity. However, I did not want to foster any new children yet, as my heart was still raw.

So it was time to begin a new chapter yet again and I accepted a position as a preschool teacher. This is a season that I have thoroughly and completely loved. Each day I am greeted with eager smiling faces. They are ready for whatever is planned for the day and to watch them learn and grow is such a rewarding experience. I had spent some years out of a preschool classroom and forgot how incredible these little people are on a daily basis.

The wonderful thing about working with the babies and preschool children; each and every experience is exciting and new. First time standing is EXCITING, first steps are EXCITING, going to the potty is EXCITING, finding a bug is EXCITING, the sun shining is EXCITING, a new toy in the room EXCITING, a snack they like is EXCITING, this excitement continues day in and day out with each and every new discovery or experience. I also see an excitement over their favorite stories or songs, it does not matter how many times we read or sing them, they want it again with the same energy and interest.

I have often thought, when was the last time I felt excitement with such freedom?

Do I  greet my days as mundane and just go through the motions?

I am beginning to see with fresh eyes, why God would call us to be as little children.
Looking with excitement and expectation as we face new situations, or even the same things that once brought us joy to continue bringing us joy.

When the Lord brings us little things and we exclaim with excitement YES LORD…will He not bring to our attention even more things to bring us joy? He has a whole world in front of us to discover, and to see as new. He is limitless with His creation, with His spirit, with His love for us. We just need to keep seeking with expectation and excitement as a little child does with their world around them. Lord grant me the wisdom to look with the eye’s of a child.

Everyone is a friend, everything is an experience, everyone is to be loved, hurt feelings are quickly soothed, tears are quickly wiped away a new adventure sought, no time to wallow for long. Yes Lord, I want to look with the eye’s of a child 🙂

 

Blessings friends

 

 

 

Living in a dark cave

When you are walking in a life that brings about shame, knowing that the hidden secrets are not being exposed but the darkness is there regardless, you want to hide.

You will seclude yourself, hide away in your own mess and darkness that surrounds.

When you must socialize you will put on a happy face, but the life free from strongholds has not been your reality and the shame remains.

There is no light in the darkness. Sadly most often, the darkness becomes your comfort. You are satisfied walking in your sin, and hiding. But then when you feel the shame, the anger and resentment will rear it’s ugly head. You will blame others for the sin that has entrapped you, because you are not yet ready to let go. You know you should walk in freedom, but your habits have become your normal and your shame and hiding have become your everyday. You are living in a dark cave, and while others ask you to please, please come out of seclusion, come out of the pit, only you can choose when enough is enough.

If you are in a place of wanting more, but not knowing how to gain freedom. Seek the Lord with all of your heart. Ask Him to show you and free you from the bondage that you yourself have created and hid in. True joy can not be obtained when you are living in a dark cave, hiding and blaming everyone else.

Today is the day to immerge and find joy in the things that bring LIFE.

Praying for you today!

Your sister in Christ

 

 

He gives great gifts

When the babies returned to their mother abruptly, after we had fostered them. My husband and I went away to the beach. We walked on the sand, and found many broken sand dollars. Ahead of me I saw a tiny perfect sand dollar, and not five feet from it, there was a match. Another tiny perfect sand dollar lay in the sand. I picked both up and kept them as a promise.

I looked at those sand dollars for a month as I prayed. God had told me to wait pursuing anything and I wasn’t quite sure why.

Well after a month, the babies mother needed some help and asked me to take the twins for awhile. No DHS, great communication and encouragement from her and time with the babies again. My heart was overjoyed!!

I had them for three more months. Then it was time to return the babies to their mother. She had accomplished some goals she had set for herself. My heart aches from the missing them. But I still look to those whole and perfect sand dollars and know that God has a plan for them. They are whole and in his care, even with the turbulent waters at times that come in this life.  I had to let go and can not see them on the day to day basis, yet I know that He has them.

In the last two weeks, I had started a new job! I am a preschool teacher and absolutely love it. This is so where I belong. Working with kiddo’s and out of the house. I could not handle looking at the big empty space every day.

God is so good to give me this gift!

Often, I don’t understand why things line up the way they do. Yet, if I sit back and let God control the direction, He does just fine!

 

God is good!

Just wait

There have been so many quick changes for me personally in the last year.

Recently the foster babies returned home and it was unexpected on our end. We knew they would return for sure, but thought they would be with us for a few more months.

I had left my job at the time, to be the best I could be at foster parenting. And while I very much enjoyed my time with them, I am not one that could foster parent full-time ( my heart is way too attached).

So now I am left with the question, what next?

I keep hearing, “just wait.” But wait for what?

I do know that the positions I had held this last year, all were a part of God’s design for my life, even though I hadn’t remained at them as long as I had thought I would.

I love to write, paint, photograph and sing, and while I have some gift in each, I am not amazing at any one of these things to make it my life goal. Should I take classes, should I enroll in school, should I look for a new job so that finances are not tight? Then again I hear, “just wait.”

My boys are all grown for the most part and I think what I am experiencing is the beginning stages of empty nester. I feel like I have the whole world ahead of me for my choosing, but in my heart of hearts I have only known how to be a stay at home mama and loved every bit of it.

So how do I grasp onto what is ahead for my future, and make sure I do not mourn what is to be left behind?

The scripture that keeps coming to me today is Jeremiah 29:11, specifically the part that says ” For I know the plans I have for you.”

He already knows the plan.

So how do I become familiar with the plan and not keep jumping from one prospect to the next?

By seeking Him first. Spending time in prayer and the word. He is always faithful to show me the next step. Why should this time be any different?

I will praise and worship my God, allowing the peace that surpasses all understanding to settle in my heart and when His still small voice changes from; ‘just wait’ to ‘GO’ ,I will hear Him loud and clear.

Saving Biblical Marriage

Saving biblical marriage is a phrase that  is thrown around often these days. Mostly I hear this concerning same sex marriage protest. The fight against marriage being redefined in the United States across the board is a very heated topic that causes much dissension.

“Biblical marriage = 1 man + 1 woman”, is often quoted by Jesus followers. And this is where I let out a big fat raspberry with an eye roll!!

For starters I don’t see why we must define biblical marriage simply as one man and one woman. This would mean every single heterosexual marriage was biblical. I am sorry that is not the case. You must have God as the center of your marriage to be a biblical marriage. Just because one man and one woman marry, does not make their marriage biblical.

Secondly, to allow the state to define biblical marriage, what would we do if the state decided that christians could no longer be legally wed and all marriage licenses are void, does this mean that the whole church would be practicing fornication if they remained married? OF COURSE NOT. Biblical marriage is a covenant with a man and a woman AND God. The state has nothing to do with it.

Lastly, my biggest frustration over the biblical marriage fight, is there are millions of fingers pointing at the same-sex couples as the destruction of marriage, and no fingers pointing within the walls of the church. The issue isn’t what others are doing that is destroying  the church and the marriages within, it is the actions of christian heterosexuals that are destroying the biblical marriage!

The afflictions are hidden in closets of the church goers, even blatantly in front of the church and overlooked with a simple “grace covers all sin’! Affairs at the pulpit and beyond, pornography, pedophiles, divorce, alcoholism, addiction, lying, hatred, bitterness, anger and abuse are all causes for the destruction of a biblical marriage!

Yes, to have  a biblical marriage, the word says one man and one woman. But less we forget the other scriptures concerning marriage?

Ephesians 5:25- Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. ( GAVE HIMSELF UP ) This means men die to your selfish lusts and addictions that are destroying your marriage! Then you look at the meaning of love as described in the bible…

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Bible believers are we making sure that our marriages  are filled with Christ’s love?! I can see in this scripture areas I struggle in often… patience is a huge problem with me !

Let us not forget what the word says to women directly, that many in the church today roll their eyes and take lightly. This is an area that yes I agree with, I often struggle with my own stubborn self.

Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. This is such a brief overview of what the word says about a biblical marriage. I am not getting overly deep in it today. My purpose is to shout out… Let’s stop focusing on what those outside the church are doing to ‘destroy’ marriage, and look within to save marriage as God intended! One thing Jesus never did, and that was to force anyone to live biblically.

When we as His followers as a whole don’t live biblically, why do we feel it is our duty to force others to?

I know this is not a typical blog post for Writing For Joy, but isn’t a biblical successful marriage, a key to living joyfully as well? Blessings