Knowing when to rest

One of the hardest things for me while balancing fibromyalgia, working full-time, church and my family, is how much is just flat-out tired and how much could be depression.

For years I have blogged, taken medication, exercised, worship & danced, painted and photographed away the ‘blues’. But in this season with work and medical changes, I am doing less and less of those things and see that there is less and less energy for the things that brought rest from stress.

I love my job, I find it very inspiring and joyful to work daily with my preschool kids. But I must find a good balance to manage everything. I have decided to take on even more with obeying the Lord’s call to carrying my friends baby/babies and I wonder, God really, can I do this?
This is when God spoke to me this morning and said, “no, you are not limited or depressed, you are tired. You must know when to stop and rest your body and lean on me for strength.”

If I am working full-time, there is not necessarily the energy to run all weekend every weekend and right now that is my reality. I have been running and pushing far too much for far too long.

Also during the week, I can not reach for the quick and easy bite on my lunch break going to the nearest fast food joint. This makes me ill and fibromyalgia flares. I must take time and plan out my meals, do the shopping in one stop and put together those meals, for a better week. I often fuel on coffee and skip the water, so bad for me. I can be consistent with supplements and then forget them for a season until I can’t go anymore because I am deficient in critical vitamins and minerals. I must make the effort to take care of me. Again, this takes time and energy but in the long run will give my body what it needs to encourage health.

When one battles with fibromyalgia, there comes a point when your pain becomes your normal. You just keep pushing through it, knowing the pain itself will not kill you. It isn’t until you keep pushing and can hardly move anymore, that you realize, oh no I did too much. It is a fine balance between living and recovering.

It is time to remember the instruction to REST. The Lord God almighty himself RESTED.
Why do I feel I must do it all. I must make the decision, work full-time which I love, or bring down my hours for more time to keep up with it all and pursue other interests.

In the meantime of pondering this decision. I say yes Lord, I will hear you and I will take the time to REST.

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He calls the weak to the mighty

I was so blessed today when I got the text that my friends are able to move forward with their end of our surrogate journey. I know God called me, too much has lined up so perfectly for it not to be so. Yet my emotions rose on high with joy and excitement and then the enemy was right there to slam me with the low. Fears coming in and doubts of my own ability to see my end soundly through. What if my body lets them down? On and on the thoughts tried to rise up.

Honestly, with each doubt, the Lord was right there. The enemy said, “what if you have a hormone issue.” God said, ” Well, estrogen will fix this issue.”
The enemy said, “you are ill.” God said, ” I am your healer. I have used much less to do even greater.” On and on the Lord’s encouragement continued, followed by a boldness I have never known.

Even though the enemy throws daggers; over the years and through the depression I have learned that just because the enemy says it, does not mean that it becomes my truth. It does not matter if the perspective looks impossible, I serve a God of the possible. He is my strength and my shield.

God has a child/children that are to be born!  This journey is an amazing example of what truly laying our own lives down for His purpose looks like. The beauty that will unfold will leave me in awe and wonder.

Yes, Lord, I will. Not because I am anything special, in reality I am know that I am not, but because of who I know YOU to be and who I am because you are within me. I am a mighty warrior, that will be holding arrows within me that will move forth in your time to do great and mighty things. I will look back one day and say, “God, you made me able, not my own strength and I will never be the same.

This is a long road ahead. We will be fundraising and preparing both of our bodies. There are lawyers and tests and more tests. But I say yes Lord, continue to do miracles. We have seen SO many already !!!

When I am hormonal and need extra joy, I have a whole history of my joy journey already documented here…. I can read and read and read and see what the Lord ALREADY has done. I see that He is good and I want more. Thank you Lord for calling me, the weak, and making me strong!