Clanging cymbals

 

I Corinthians 13:1 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”

I have read this scripture many times over the years. But recently as a friend of mine was hurting in her anxiety and depression, and I was shouting out God’s goodness and how He pulled me through, I realized in a moment that I was not loving her. I was not meeting this friend where she was but trying to shout out how the Lord pulled me from the pit.  I wanted to see this same glorious victory in her life,  but there is a time when if all I am doing is shouting out joy, joy, joy… I can be a clanging cymbal.

It may not be comforting to a friend that is watching her life crumble around her, to hear,  ” I have been there, this is what you need to do!”
While I do believe in encouraging and edifying my sister and I do believe it is so important to sing the praises of my Jesus when He has shown me His joy,
There is a time and place for it.
Love is patient, kind, does not boast, not-self seeking. Am I being kind, patient and not self seeking when I want to hurry my friend through her burdens rather than walking by her side? I want her to be full of joy, but is that because I am uncomfortable with her hurting?

The word says there is a time and season for everything. There is a time to mourn but JOY comes in the morning. Am I rushing my friend to her morning, before God has completed the work in her? Am I a discouragement, when she is not seeing the joy that I am proclaiming and as she sits there while I am dancing about blind to her sorrow?

If I had been a clanging cymbal to you my friend in the past as I rejoice in my joy. I am sorry. I want you to have joy in abundance, and I want to share how I reached it, but in your time, when you are ready. God has begun a work in you, and He will complete it, in HIS time.

Lord grant me the wisdom to know when to be quiet and walk beside and when to SHOUT out your glorious JOY. For I don’t want to be a clanging harsh noise to the ears of those around me, but a song of praise stirring within the spirit of those hurting. Help me to know what is needed in the moment.

 

 

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Full Circle: The river is here

Many many years ago before my fibromyalgia diagnosis, during the season of being sick but not knowing what it was, I had a very detailed dream. I had dreamt that I was in the midst of a storm blazing all around me and in front of me there was a river with someone in it. The person said ” You have to go through the storm in order to get to the river.” Then I woke up. Well I knew I was in the midst of the storm.

Then the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia came and along with it depression. ‘This just was how it was going to be.” (doctor’s words not mine). I began to be so severely depressed that I asked God where my joy was and He said, “you have it you just need to find it.”

In that season I had a great friend teaching me about the praises out of our mouths and our healing. SO I began to praise in the storm, rejoice and look for my joy in all circumstances. I painted this picture representing myself praising the Lord in the storm.

 

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It has been a very long journey and I can say despite my circumstances I have Joy to the full.  Praise Jesus!!! But I never understood the river part. What was the river? I put this dream on the back file in my brain for YEARS.

This weekend we were having a prayer and worship weekend with a church that we have been attending for the last three years. God has done some growing in me over this season. Learning to talk out my feelings rather than burying them, stepping out in gifting rather than hiding them and excepting my differences for strengths rather than weaknesses. The understanding that I am ME and that is who I am meant to be. Understanding God’s grace, peace, strength and gentleness in new deeper ways.

Well I tell you during this weekends worship, I was dancing and praising, while sick mind you, and the Lord just filled me with a newness I could not quite yet identify. I knew my healing had come full circle. I knew in an instant that I had the choice to not pick the illness back up. No longer was Fibromyalgia my identifier!!

As I worshipped I saw this picture so clearly and as my husband lead a prophetic drum workshop I opened the floor to prophetic painting as well. I put paint to canvas as I danced to his drums and while I knew the picture represented a new day and a new beginning and that the person was dancing in the river, it hadn’t dawned on me that I WAS THE PERSON. I had come to the river and was submerged. God kept bubbling song and image in my heart for two days.

Sitting in my living room I was looking at the old picture of me praising in the storm and I just got teary eyed. That was the dream, going through the storm and then I completed the picture with dancing in the river. I had no idea the dancing in the river picture was for me until that moment. I then relaized, it had come full circle, I am dancing in the river of God!

John 7:38

“He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'”

 

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There is a song I sang as a child. I am posting the lyrics below. This song fits my heart this new day it is so real and so tangible and I am ready for what HE has next!!!

Down the mountain the river flows
And it brings refreshing wherever it goes
Through the valleys and over the fields
The river is rushing and the river is here

[Chorus]
The river of God sets our feet a-dancing
The river of God fills our hearts with cheer
The river of God fills our mouths with laughter
And we rejoice, for the river is here

[Verse 2]
The river of God is teeming with life
And all who touch it can be revived
And those who linger on this river’s shore
Will come back thirsting for more of the Lord

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Up to the mountain, we love to go
To find the presence of the Lord
Along the banks of the river we run
We dance with laughter, giving praise to the Son

 

A New Day

Inspired! An amazing weekend in Dundee Oregon taking part in the Awaken the Dawn.
This is a prophetic painting and song that began and came forth this weekend. Spent time in the Lord tonight finishing it up. I am so thankful He has chosen to give me a NEW DAY.  I will sing it, shout it, paint it, and dance. My arms wide open to recieve the gift He has begun!

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I’ve seen your tears

I’ve heard your cries

I’ve felt your heartache

It’s time to dry those eyes

It’s a new day…. it’s a new day…a new day for you

I’ve seen your brokenness

I’ve heard your screams

I’ve felt your loneliness 

It’s time to let go and dream

It’s a new day… it’s a new day… a new day for you

No more bitterness

No more shame

No more hatred

No more pain

It’s a new day… it’s a new day… a new day for you

 

The smudge on the mirror

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Last night I had a dream of a perfectly shined mirror, with a smudge of dirt across  a portion of it. I woke up and immediately thought about how that smudge can ruin the perfect shine, it does not matter how clean the rest of the mirror was, with a mark across it the mirror was messy. On more prayer and reflection God pointed out that I can not fully see my self as He sees me, when I have a smudge blocking my vision.

The smudges can come in all kind of forms. Lies that others have told us, sling some mud on the mirror. Disobedience or sin in our life, sling some more mud up there. Keeping shame and worthlessness on our shoulders, yep more mud.

Instead of cleaning the filth off the mirror, we may try to see through it, or maneuver around it. Our vision is blocked. God knows how He sees our worth. He knows how He sees our gifting and abilities. He can even see where we will go when we have our clear vision and take the steps before us.

The enemy wants nothing more than to keep our vision blocked, but God says, “it is time to clean up those areas and wipe the mirror clean.  See yourself as I see you, as I have created you. I am HE and I KNOW what you are and what your  worth. Take of the mud that has been slung before you, that either you or others have placed in front of you. I give you all you need to see clearly, it is time to wipe it all away!”

A scripture that sits on my heart as I ask, Lord how do I clean this mirror???

Psalm 139: 23-24  Search me O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there are any wicked ways in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

Be encouraged brothers and sisters. He has so much for you to see in yourselves that you have yet to discover! I am so excited to see what He has for me to behold.

Psalm 51:10- Create in me a clean heart o God and renew a steadfast Spirit within me.

The Spirit reminds me as I cry out;

Psalm 139: 13-14 For you formed my inward parts, you covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.

Be encouraged brothers and sisters. He has so much for you to see in yourselves that you have yet to discover! I am so excited to see what He has for me to behold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming home

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Lately I had found myself detached from things, it hasn’t felt bad in any way, just detached. I haven’t  felt depressed or numb, just off. Granted this has been a ROUGH month of illness, but I was disconnected.
This morning I turned on my worship music on my way to work, which I have not done in some time as sensory overload is crazy during illnesses for me. My spirit just jumped. It was as if I had a nice soothing drink of cool water after wandering the desert.

For me when I come to my Jesus, it is as if I am coming home into the open arms of my father. There is something so sweet about the presence of God. Every part of my heart filled and joy bubbles forth. It was my ah ha moment, I had been missing my worship and praise time.

I was feeling a little edgy this afternoon, antsy so to speak, and again I turned on the worship music and instantly my joy was bubbling.

You may hear people describe the presence of the Lord and wonder what that means. I guess everyone’s experience may be different, but for me it is as if I am a child jumping into the arms of my parent. I come home and I sit at the table. We share and I am blessed. A relationship with Jesus is not one way. It shouldn’t be, as we can come and fellowship and rejoice in the one that gives us life.

My sweet cousin was dealing with depression and my having revelation today, I don’t wish to give a quick answer , yet truly the worship and praise has brought me from those depths more times than I could ever possibly count.

He is a good good father and I will rejoice in my salvation!

Zechariah 1:3-
“Therefore say to them, “Thus says the Lord of host, “Return to Me,” declares the Lord of hosts, “that I may return to you, “says the Lord of hosts.

Deuteronomy 4:30-
“When you are in distress and all these things have come upon you, in the latter days you will return to the Lord your God and listen to His voice.

Remember I am no longer her

 

A friend shared a picture with me some time ago and as I looked at the former younger thinner picture of myself, I realized, I don’t really like who I was back then. I began to remember all my before Jesus growth moments, and the hurt and struggles I had been going through.  The pain of that season felt real again for a moment and then I felt the gentle whisper of the Lord remind me, “you are no longer her.”

Growth was hard, the pruning and the tearing away was not pleasant, but necessary. Each time God pointed out an area I was lacking in, I was embarrassed and mindful of not wanting to repeat that side of myself, and at times I would fail and be emberrassed all over again.

I know God is still not finished with me, I still have habits that I need to break or stinking thinking as some may say. I certainly don’t like living with fibromyalgia and a weak immune system, BUT I am no longer the her of yester year that is over opinionated, sensitive, easily frustrated, depressed and discouraged.

I am no longer that person and I am not that identity, of past mistakes and failures. I am a child of God that is growing and learning and willing to be better, to be more, to be used for His glory. I will not think upon where I was, but where I am going. Pain can not continue to rise up in my heart for things that were long ago healed and taken care of.

God is mighty enough to keep working in my life, and I will choose to let Him. I will remember I am no longer her and that is my testimony not my embarrassment !

Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be renewed in the spirit of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Will you return to your mess?

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.

A few weeks ago this scripture came to me so clearly at church.

Why is it that we can gain victory in an area of our lives, only to open up the door for the enemy all over again? Often times, it is harder to break away the second , third or eighth time, when that door has been opened.

For myself I find if I keep opening the door again and again, it is because the root of the sin has not been dealt with. I will stop sinning in my bitterness, anger, gluttony, worry or whatever it is for a season, but I have not completely rid myself of it. So it sits below the surface and fester, waiting for another onslaught to rear its ugly head. The temptation will rise and I will entertain it rather than cutting it off at the root.

It has been time to CUT off that sin. Walk away from it. Turn away and change. This is what repentance really means. To turn away from. I can’t keep picking the same old hurtful habits back up again and again and expect a different result.

I do not want to be as a dog returning to its nasty vomit. I do not want to be the fool returning to my folly that drags me down and steals my life and abundant joy.

My prayer today is the Lord makes every hidden thing abundantly clear to me so that I will not miss the areas that are lurking. That He will continue to give me strength to walk in HIM and not my own ways of self-destruction. I was created to be more than a fool.

Blessings