Full Circle: The river is here

Many many years ago before my fibromyalgia diagnosis, during the season of being sick but not knowing what it was, I had a very detailed dream. I had dreamt that I was in the midst of a storm blazing all around me and in front of me there was a river with someone in it. The person said ” You have to go through the storm in order to get to the river.” Then I woke up. Well I knew I was in the midst of the storm.

Then the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia came and along with it depression. ‘This just was how it was going to be.” (doctor’s words not mine). I began to be so severely depressed that I asked God where my joy was and He said, “you have it you just need to find it.”

In that season I had a great friend teaching me about the praises out of our mouths and our healing. SO I began to praise in the storm, rejoice and look for my joy in all circumstances. I painted this picture representing myself praising the Lord in the storm.

 

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It has been a very long journey and I can say despite my circumstances I have Joy to the full.  Praise Jesus!!! But I never understood the river part. What was the river? I put this dream on the back file in my brain for YEARS.

This weekend we were having a prayer and worship weekend with a church that we have been attending for the last three years. God has done some growing in me over this season. Learning to talk out my feelings rather than burying them, stepping out in gifting rather than hiding them and excepting my differences for strengths rather than weaknesses. The understanding that I am ME and that is who I am meant to be. Understanding God’s grace, peace, strength and gentleness in new deeper ways.

Well I tell you during this weekends worship, I was dancing and praising, while sick mind you, and the Lord just filled me with a newness I could not quite yet identify. I knew my healing had come full circle. I knew in an instant that I had the choice to not pick the illness back up. No longer was Fibromyalgia my identifier!!

As I worshipped I saw this picture so clearly and as my husband lead a prophetic drum workshop I opened the floor to prophetic painting as well. I put paint to canvas as I danced to his drums and while I knew the picture represented a new day and a new beginning and that the person was dancing in the river, it hadn’t dawned on me that I WAS THE PERSON. I had come to the river and was submerged. God kept bubbling song and image in my heart for two days.

Sitting in my living room I was looking at the old picture of me praising in the storm and I just got teary eyed. That was the dream, going through the storm and then I completed the picture with dancing in the river. I had no idea the dancing in the river picture was for me until that moment. I then relaized, it had come full circle, I am dancing in the river of God!

John 7:38

“He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'”

 

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There is a song I sang as a child. I am posting the lyrics below. This song fits my heart this new day it is so real and so tangible and I am ready for what HE has next!!!

Down the mountain the river flows
And it brings refreshing wherever it goes
Through the valleys and over the fields
The river is rushing and the river is here

[Chorus]
The river of God sets our feet a-dancing
The river of God fills our hearts with cheer
The river of God fills our mouths with laughter
And we rejoice, for the river is here

[Verse 2]
The river of God is teeming with life
And all who touch it can be revived
And those who linger on this river’s shore
Will come back thirsting for more of the Lord

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Up to the mountain, we love to go
To find the presence of the Lord
Along the banks of the river we run
We dance with laughter, giving praise to the Son

 

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A quiver full of blessings

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Our children are an inheritance of the Lord, a blessing and a joy.

Most days as my boys were growing up I knew this, however, there were those days I felt I was doing everything wrong and surely God made a mistake giving them to me. Maybe I should ship them to Bermuda.

There were days of stress, anger and shouting. Days of rebellion, tugging and shoving.

Then, it would all shine and be gloriously amazing and I would think we had passed the hurdle, only to see another up ahead.

I have friends that are in the midst of the highs and lows of parenting these days and my heart is to hopefully encourage. Those moments of frustrations and complete hair pulling stress will pass. Hold fast onto the word of the Lord that our children are our reward! I know in the midst of life, business and the drama you are exhausted beyond belief many days. More importantly the Lord knows this and as you cry out for strength He will grant it to you. I also know that there will be a day, when you look back and you say, thank you Lord, this was a great season and I am so thankful where you have brought us.

I truly wish that when my boys were in the midst of their craziness that I held my joy a little bit better, and a lot longer. I wish they saw less of a frazzled and anxious mom. I know that we are human and that we will make mistakes but now in the end of the game of raising the boys I see those things that once seemed so big and I was sure was going to ruin them, were in reality their growing.

Just like the big grown up adults we are, children need to discover the Lord and His tugging themselves. They need to feel the conviction of their wrongs and joys of obedience. The only way they will discover this for themselves is to live life. Making mistakes, following their flesh and acting in their human selves. What a joy to know that we get to help them along and learn how to listen to God’s voice early. I wish this dawned on me a lot sooner than it did. Maybe I would have enjoyed the journey in the midst of the junk a bit more.

Now as my boys are grown adults I hold fast to the word of the Lord. They are my reward. I am so blessed by the young men they have become. They are following their OWN paths in this life, I know I aimed for my mark and released each one into this world with the truth that they will impact the kingdom of God.  They are my quiver full of blessings. They are my joy.  Be encouraged my friend and count it all great joy, these children in your hands, are here for just a moment, then they will soar.

Psalm 127:3-5 

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate

A New Day

Inspired! An amazing weekend in Dundee Oregon taking part in the Awaken the Dawn.
This is a prophetic painting and song that began and came forth this weekend. Spent time in the Lord tonight finishing it up. I am so thankful He has chosen to give me a NEW DAY.  I will sing it, shout it, paint it, and dance. My arms wide open to recieve the gift He has begun!

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I’ve seen your tears

I’ve heard your cries

I’ve felt your heartache

It’s time to dry those eyes

It’s a new day…. it’s a new day…a new day for you

I’ve seen your brokenness

I’ve heard your screams

I’ve felt your loneliness 

It’s time to let go and dream

It’s a new day… it’s a new day… a new day for you

No more bitterness

No more shame

No more hatred

No more pain

It’s a new day… it’s a new day… a new day for you

 

SO MUCH MORE!!!

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I was praying for and discussing the heart of my friend to my husband yesterday. As I spoke about her heart and the gift she is, God revealed some amazing truths and my spirit just leapt in joy and my eyes filled with tears.

This friend is in a season where her boys are on the threshold of adulthood, and I know she is asking. “what’s next, what is for me now?”

I saw my friend as a beautiful jeweled box. It is gorgeous and serves a purpose just as it is. But inside are incredible jewels that she has yet to discover. There is so much beauty in her future. So many treasures to be revealed and shared in new ways with others that cross her path.

This is an exciting future. God is going to pour His presence in new ways and she will get to discover what has been hidden in her heart, coming into season. There will be new passions and a great stirring up that will bring great joy into her life and the lives of others.

God is going to move in mighty ways, taking the treasure within this friend and pour it forth. She will delight those that get to experience the treasure she holds.  She will have a great impact, they will be overcome.

Just you wait my friend there is SO MUCH MORE than what is expected, and not only will it be good, it will be astounding!

 

2 Corinthians 4: 6 -7 

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 7 Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us. 

The smudge on the mirror

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Last night I had a dream of a perfectly shined mirror, with a smudge of dirt across  a portion of it. I woke up and immediately thought about how that smudge can ruin the perfect shine, it does not matter how clean the rest of the mirror was, with a mark across it the mirror was messy. On more prayer and reflection God pointed out that I can not fully see my self as He sees me, when I have a smudge blocking my vision.

The smudges can come in all kind of forms. Lies that others have told us, sling some mud on the mirror. Disobedience or sin in our life, sling some more mud up there. Keeping shame and worthlessness on our shoulders, yep more mud.

Instead of cleaning the filth off the mirror, we may try to see through it, or maneuver around it. Our vision is blocked. God knows how He sees our worth. He knows how He sees our gifting and abilities. He can even see where we will go when we have our clear vision and take the steps before us.

The enemy wants nothing more than to keep our vision blocked, but God says, “it is time to clean up those areas and wipe the mirror clean.  See yourself as I see you, as I have created you. I am HE and I KNOW what you are and what your  worth. Take of the mud that has been slung before you, that either you or others have placed in front of you. I give you all you need to see clearly, it is time to wipe it all away!”

A scripture that sits on my heart as I ask, Lord how do I clean this mirror???

Psalm 139: 23-24  Search me O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there are any wicked ways in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

Be encouraged brothers and sisters. He has so much for you to see in yourselves that you have yet to discover! I am so excited to see what He has for me to behold.

Psalm 51:10- Create in me a clean heart o God and renew a steadfast Spirit within me.

The Spirit reminds me as I cry out;

Psalm 139: 13-14 For you formed my inward parts, you covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.

Be encouraged brothers and sisters. He has so much for you to see in yourselves that you have yet to discover! I am so excited to see what He has for me to behold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming home

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Lately I had found myself detached from things, it hasn’t felt bad in any way, just detached. I haven’t  felt depressed or numb, just off. Granted this has been a ROUGH month of illness, but I was disconnected.
This morning I turned on my worship music on my way to work, which I have not done in some time as sensory overload is crazy during illnesses for me. My spirit just jumped. It was as if I had a nice soothing drink of cool water after wandering the desert.

For me when I come to my Jesus, it is as if I am coming home into the open arms of my father. There is something so sweet about the presence of God. Every part of my heart filled and joy bubbles forth. It was my ah ha moment, I had been missing my worship and praise time.

I was feeling a little edgy this afternoon, antsy so to speak, and again I turned on the worship music and instantly my joy was bubbling.

You may hear people describe the presence of the Lord and wonder what that means. I guess everyone’s experience may be different, but for me it is as if I am a child jumping into the arms of my parent. I come home and I sit at the table. We share and I am blessed. A relationship with Jesus is not one way. It shouldn’t be, as we can come and fellowship and rejoice in the one that gives us life.

My sweet cousin was dealing with depression and my having revelation today, I don’t wish to give a quick answer , yet truly the worship and praise has brought me from those depths more times than I could ever possibly count.

He is a good good father and I will rejoice in my salvation!

Zechariah 1:3-
“Therefore say to them, “Thus says the Lord of host, “Return to Me,” declares the Lord of hosts, “that I may return to you, “says the Lord of hosts.

Deuteronomy 4:30-
“When you are in distress and all these things have come upon you, in the latter days you will return to the Lord your God and listen to His voice.

Remember I am no longer her

 

A friend shared a picture with me some time ago and as I looked at the former younger thinner picture of myself, I realized, I don’t really like who I was back then. I began to remember all my before Jesus growth moments, and the hurt and struggles I had been going through.  The pain of that season felt real again for a moment and then I felt the gentle whisper of the Lord remind me, “you are no longer her.”

Growth was hard, the pruning and the tearing away was not pleasant, but necessary. Each time God pointed out an area I was lacking in, I was embarrassed and mindful of not wanting to repeat that side of myself, and at times I would fail and be emberrassed all over again.

I know God is still not finished with me, I still have habits that I need to break or stinking thinking as some may say. I certainly don’t like living with fibromyalgia and a weak immune system, BUT I am no longer the her of yester year that is over opinionated, sensitive, easily frustrated, depressed and discouraged.

I am no longer that person and I am not that identity, of past mistakes and failures. I am a child of God that is growing and learning and willing to be better, to be more, to be used for His glory. I will not think upon where I was, but where I am going. Pain can not continue to rise up in my heart for things that were long ago healed and taken care of.

God is mighty enough to keep working in my life, and I will choose to let Him. I will remember I am no longer her and that is my testimony not my embarrassment !

Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be renewed in the spirit of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.