When I first held my tiny newborn, so much stirred within. The biggest feeling that would tend to overwhelm, would be my hope in his future.
As I held him close and prayed over each step that he would one day take, my dream formed in my head.
When his talents began to emerge, again, I would dream about how he would influence the kingdom. I had it all pictured and mapped out, he would go into the mission field and minister to the weary. He would go to college, lead worship before a church and find a good girl by time he was 20, who loved Jesus. Grand babies would be on the way before I knew it.
Then as the years passed by, his adult world began to settle into his own rhythm. I learned how much he had struggled with depression and anxiety and that it would greatly influence his music. The songs that he would write, were not the kind to be brought to a worship service and seemed so dark and heavy. I can’t count how many times that I mentioned, lighten them up for better listening, or, give hope within them to reach the lost. On and on the motherly advice would go and he would sincerely listen, nod his head and continue to write.
We had many days of playing and singing together. We would write song after song, and I would watch his talent grow.
The days no longer look the same, he has stepped into his own creativity and rarely do I hear, “hey mom, help me with this!”
I know that distancing himself is healthy, but when I saw him distance himself from the church I grieved. He continually told me he didn’t feel he fit the mold to be on a team. He has of lately not even going with us anymore to our church and I see lifestyle choices far different from mine.
For a moment, I began to fear and my heart would hurt over what was to be his future and then like a ton of bricks, I realized that I had raised him. He is a child of God and the Lord has a call on his life. It may look very differently that what I had dreamed and lived out for him. He has his own journey to take. I can look at him with great pride and say, he is mine and I am grateful.
What kind of parent would I be, if I didn’t let my son, discover his own future and world.
Then there is the clarity that comes; I don’t always completely understand, but with a glimpse the Lord will allow me to see tidbits of the work He is doing.
Do you know, those dark and crazy songs have reached the heart of many!
Do you know that his dream doesn’t ‘fit’ because his dream and call is unique!
Thank the Lord I am slowly learning, their dream, not mine.
God have your way and forgive me as I now intrust my son to you for real, and step back and watch your mighty work.
The joy of parenting is watching them spread their wings and prepare to take flight. I never realized how hard it was going to be when those wings began lifting off.
Thank you Lord for new clarity.
1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.