Every morning I can relate to the phrase ” Hit by a ton of bricks”. I feel as if I have a big ol’ heap of bricks just dumped on top of me. I often awake in the early early morning hours, the pain so annoying that I can’t sleep, yet the fatigue is too burdensome to get up. So I lay there and either pray or read a bit, until I can drift to sleep again. This is an ongoing process throughout the night.
I have been medication free for two months now, and still each and every day, I evaluate if I want to take that pain medication. I have to remind myself that the side effects pf the cocktail of prescription medications were a much bigger burden to bear and I often sigh at the thought I must pass on those drugs again.
While I am on this journey of living medication free, I have also been in a very busy and physically demanding season of my life right now. When those bricks weigh me down in the morning and I have to get ready for work, a photo shoot, household errands, ect. I often want to just cry and surrender.
Yet, I am finally learning that as burdensome as this illness is; I still feel the pain, fatigue, fog, and frustrations… I have learned to live.
I wake up in the morning, I now use that time for productivity and realize… I removed a brick.
When I rise and begin my day, my first steps are very painful, but as I get moving, I begin to walk a bit straighter and my steps get stronger… I removed a brick.
I face my daily tasks with trepidation and so often tears that nobody sees, but when those tasks are accomplished… I removed a brick.
All day long, there are opportunities for me to remove bricks that the enemy has placed on my shoulders.
I once had a doctor tell me, “Fibromyalgia pain, will not kill you.” At first I was irritated, of course I knew it wouldn’t kill me, you only wish it would, but then I understood what she meant. Stand up and push through and keep living.
See these bricks that pile on day by day, minute by minute are always there. As soon as I remove the pile on top, inevitably new ones will replace them. Every one of us has our own load of bricks at different times in our lives, in one form or another. As you feel the newest load of bricks on your shoulders I want you to think of this:
Even though this morning is a great struggle, I am rejoicing. I have removed a new brick and I see the picture clearly of what the Lord is doing in my life.
I remove a brick and place it on the side, the next brick I remove I strategically place that one as well. Before I knew it I began to build a wall with those bricks. A wall that represents the strengths that come through the process of not lying under the heavy load but pushing through and removing each burden, one at a time. I see the Lord, making me stronger with each brick that I lift and I finally understand in a very new way for me, How the Lord is my strength. He does not always remove every burden for me, sometimes, I have to take action with the hands and feet that He has given me. This is the working of faith.
So while my body remains a battlefield, I can see that I am able to do more and more, for longer periods of time before the new load of bricks are piled on. I smile as I realize, The Lord is preparing my fortress, brick by brick and even when I am weak, through Him I am strong.