I have a person in my life that does not like others very much. This person is often judging and being hurtful with their critical views and lashing tongue. This person does not have much joy. This person was me.
As I began to reflect on my own self and how there was a season that I was so sick of people. I was so tired of being hurt. I was tired of being used or left behind. I often would tell my husband my new name should be ‘afterthought’.
I had a very long season where I had a hardened heart. I would not let others in. I would smile, but inside I was ice. I would not allow anyone beyond the smile on my face.
I noticed fewer and fewer people in my life, and I was okay with that. I didn’t want anyone there. Others just messed everything up anyway.
Then one day I noticed I had no feelings towards a rather catastrophic event. There was something wrong, my compassion was evaporating as quickly as the people in my life.
I realized in that moment that the joy was diminishing as well.
I had my self secluded in my own frozen shell and even though I was not raw and exposed for everyone to hurt me, I was not living either. I was not sharing, caring, being an example, loving and being loved.
I was loving with condition. I was not exposing my full self.
The Lord told me to stop gauging how I was going to love others, and to let my heart defrost and just love.
Love with no expectation, no judgement, no harshness, and fully without expecting a return.
That moment that I allowed the Lord to completely defrost my frozen heart, I noticed a change. I noticed I was open to Him even more. Now when someone hurts me, I can look at the situation with different eyes. The Lord comforts me, He is my shelter.
I no longer have a fear loving. I can see the same hardened heart in many around me. It often comes from being hurt, rejected, ignored, torn down, or abused in some way. To harden ourselves is the way we hope to preserve ourselves yet we are not producing life when we allow the enemy this ground.
I encourage you, if you hold others at arm’s length out of fear…. it is time to defrost.
If you are cold and harsh because of anger…. it is time to defrost.
If you are so busy judging your brother you do not see the sin in your own life… it is time to defrost.
Why defrost? Because you can not grow and develop if you are frozen and planted in one place. You can not move on, press on, move forward if you are grasping and clinging to winter. Let yourself experience all the seasons of life.