I had taken a year off of work and felt mostly completely restored in my health. I had gone months without fibromyalgia pain, and sleeping through the night. My brain was working better ( at least I like to think so) and the fog rarely rolled in.
My husband had a long layoff and we had lost our home in foreclosure. He found a good paying new job but it came too late to save the house. We miraculously were given a loan to move, found our new home and moved literally only two weeks before the bank illegally changed locks, and locked our old home.
I started a full-time job in order to pay back loans and dig out of the hole that this layoff had placed us in. I now hurt like never before. The first week I tore a muscle in my back, started to heal from that and got two virus’s. When I started feeling better again, I fell off of a chair with a child on my lap, retching my back again. I have heavy two-year olds, bottom out on me when I pick them up to change them, I am kicked, hit or bitten on a daily basis. My body is through the wringer. All that said, I truly do like my new job I just hate feeling like death would be better than walking in constant pain and the blinding fog is back.
As I was debating leaving my job and saying forget it, we can live off the system forever, I got a clear picture of what the Lord is doing for me. While I was not working I was standing strong and not hurting and seeing the fullness of my healing. But it wasn’t really a fullness, was it? Fullness of my healing doesn’t take complete shape, until I am able to use my body to it’s fullest ability, without pain. Being leisurely at home, wasn’t challenging my body.
I got this picture of an out of shape athlete training for a marathon coming up. The struggle is hard, the discipline daunting, but there when conditioned, the athlete is able to do the job with an ease.
This is how it is in my body. I am struggling now, but there will be a day, when I will be able to do all that is required of me, and I will be conditioned enough that the old pains of training will be gone.
Holding back and taking it easy had let my body become lazy. I would allow myself the sin of laziness and mediocrity. I must now, lay all the old patterns aside. I do recognize that I must rest just like an athlete, but I do not need to let rest be my pattern. I want better than just good enough. If I do not push forward and push ahead I will not complete the full work that He has for me to do. I must remember, I can not do it, hindered and in pain, press on until the pain is no more. The Lord will equip me to do this and do it well.
I am ready to press forward and run my race, doing the work God has for me, and knowing these pains will come to their end.
Challenge this day my friends: As tempting as it is to give up in the middle of your training season, press forward and keep running. You WILL reach that goal.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,